Before The Year Ends: A Fear of Retroaction

I don't know but it's like's that I have always been so cautious of my actions and that I don't know if I'm doing it for the sake of security or just an avenue because I'm afraid of something. It doesn't make 'coz I've always love seeing myself in the past knowing that I've been good and I have had achieved lots of things. I cannot understand this fear. I don't know what's the reason behind it.

Having the group section on facebook is really a good way of having yourself updated with your friends whom have been classified and there, the group where my elementary classmates are classified have been updated and been active lately and it's just that I wanted to reconnect or disconnect myself from. I don't know what exactly I wanted to do or why I wanted to that. i'm scared that it would eat me up. It's like my pride had become a monster inside me and I can never say that it's not somethign I value most. So, okay, I wanted to post a news or whatever so I could at least say high to them. But the fact that I may not be able to be there cosntantly is killing me 'coz I don't want to hold their hopes and mine as well then break it.

They've been a part of me and I don't know why it has changed or I felt like I don't belong to them anymore. It's seems I can't place myself somewhere in their hearts. I felt like I got no place at all. But I will not stop. From now on, I will be that Celine character in one of ABS-CBN's TV series. I will find a way. I will, I know 'coz God will help me. I'm not saying this that I'm putting it all on God's hands. Of course, I will also do my part but for now, I got to set my priorities and that is my studies. Yes, friends are important but being a bit egoist [I'm not ashamed of calling myself that way 'coz for me it's not that bad as long as it's not excessive and could hurt others, but am I hurting my elementary schoolmates?] I have to secure myself first. I really don't want to depend myself or whatever in my life on someone except God and even if I depend my life on God I should be worthy of it and have to do my part as well. Maybe, my old schoolmates would think that I have changed or what but I want them to know that I'm doing this because I want to prepare something big for them. I just wish I could just post a message there and say Christmas to them but I'm just so afraid [scared] that they might ignore it or say something negatively. I know Shem, my old best friend, would perhaps be there but we could never say that it's always certain 'coz I've been bad to him lately. I wish sorry is that easy to say and will easily heal any wound.

Taking Chances: A Story

Taking Chances

College life is like a prelude to an alternative beginning of adulthood. It is like going for something you never thought you’ve had by just following the rules and seeing the other side of truth other than the falsities of life.

I always thought that what you have laid as your principles will always be your principles like thinking that the one thing that captured your attention is the only thing that matters in the big picture but then realizing that it’s just a part of it and not the heart of it.

It’s been like five years since I had wandered within the walls of this university. It’s been like I’ve covered a mirrored past that will always reflect who I’ am now and who I was before. I could still remember how I walked through the hallways with my arms clutched around my best friend’s arm while discussing topics that matters most when you’re still a college student or as in our dialect, as a ‘kolehiyala’ ---trying to act cool and mature at the same time making sure your grades do not fall below the passing rate.

Memories came flooding as I watched the trees in the front of our administration building that were once cut down for landscaping, danced as they have finally grown over the years. It’s like that kind of feeling you remember that seems to send aches in your heart just wishing everything would still be the same as they were.  And below that tall Acacia tree is that familiar bench. It looked like it had gone through the years like an old man waiting for the sun to set in his life. I started walking towards it. I did not care to sit, just stood there. I never wished to remember the memory that will always be bound in this little refuge of mine during Saturdays of June whenever we had our community service. I would never forget the guy who made everything in this place special as it never will.

He used to sit here, waiting, in his white polo shirt and that unkempt hair that seems to perfectly fall on his forehead. And then, as I arrive, he would stop whatever he’s doing as the sound of my car appears to have stopped him from whatever he was thinking and looks up to see me. In those moments, I really don’t know how I should feel whenever I’m staring at his lucid brown eyes that never fail to give me that sudden surge of electricity going through my body as if it was a vile injected directly through my veins. And I know I had fallen in love.

Those things seem to come easily but then, nothing changes except change. It was midday of December on the third floor of our Science building where during that time we were having our preliminary examinations. I was staring at the huge clock as I waited for my best friend to finished answering her questionnaire that he came up to me. His usual approach is that strange blunt look in his eyes trying to tease me of something I’m not really aware of and then, suddenly he tells me. “Lynne, I wanted to thank you for taking the chance to talk to me when I’m so nervous that you and your classmates would judge me during the first day of our class. I never knew I could be a teacher to you since it was never my dream to be.” And then, it came to me that everything I had thought we could be is not happening at all since it was a wrong love at a wrong time like the lyrics found in a song. He said he’d be going for the US to study his masters and perhaps, stay there for a while. He was said to marry an artist who is making a great contribution to his family business and that he might not be able to return. He said he wanted to take this opportunity like how I’d taken mine to say his thanks and that he was glad to have me as one of his best students. There were many rules and regulations to be followed but then it’s the policy of the heart that has to be followed that needs to be broken.

It was like a plot in a story wherein a girl lost her love because it seems like love is not the very reason of having to love someone and being able to let go of them. It’s like a fact that will never stop haunting you unless you have awakened. What fate has it that I must not dwell in such undertaking? I had written once in one of my essays and I guess this is what explains it.

As I pass the old Science building, I saw the huge clock again and realized that it’s the exact time when he said his good bye to me five years ago. I know very well that he had never realized how much I had loved him and no words could ever put those feelings into a colorful scenario.

Taking chances is like being with the wind that never ceases to find its true destination risking the directions it will take. I know that in that very day I had taken the chance and had taken the risks. And I thought that he’s the heart of my life’s picture but then I realized, that’s he’s just a part of it. Nevertheless, he became a part of my life and I would never regret taking that chance.

Like Those Sparkling Eyes

And today, it feels like that the world is making another revolution with other planets colliding each other out of their own orbits... and that kind of feeling that I seem to never realize what made that happen.

It's past one o'clock in the morning and I'm eating a bowl of oatmeal with tropical fruit flavor in it. It's just like an afternoon of those days when I'm sick and I can't eat anything other than these things. Those times are like the times we are having right now. That I've got nothing to do but to either sit here and wait or go for something that I know will make me feel something different but happy, I guess.

It's getting difficult pretending to be someone who can easily fall for someone and then really falling hard for someone else special not knowing what to do or how to cover it up when all you ever wanted is just to be with that person no matter what happen. But in the end you decide to be a statue.

I think I could laugh at myself with my own little show getting its tickets sold out in minutes and feeling like a complete down-rated actress. I wish I could just sing that song, "The Show" and be overly amazed by my own self-listing dilemmas.

The other guy came to me today and I feel like I've disappointed him somehow or I've said something unpleasant or whatever that made him look that way. Yes, I do like him but do I love him? I don't know. I'm asking myself as if I do love you. That sounds crazy and yet skeptical.

I could fall for you for a thousand times and yet I have to stop myself. It's not like you're gonna be forever 'cause even right now I could say that you're not gonna stay and yeah, that hurts.

I'm writing this post for no definite reason but I know I'm writing for two definite persons and that's you and him.

You both smiled beautifully. I have always liked those sparkling eyes.

What Makes Up Each Tear

How I wish I could just disappear and be a part of this life's boring background. How I wish I could bury myself six feet below the ground. How I wish I could just die and never live again.

I hate it when everything comes in sequence tearing me up like some paper and what's worst is that these things happen when I never wanted them to happen and now they think for sympathy? Bullshit!

What happens to a delicate figurine whose heart been broken by those who've always been there to take care of it, to polish it?

I wanted to speak out but people just keep on misunderstanding things and become obsolete. I don't want to return to the old me who knows nothing out of emotions and false hopes are death wishes and tears. But I guess even if I change, those around me will never. And I must endure it. And I must fight it even if it hurts, even it succumb me to death.

I know my direction is quite vague and that it seems like everything I'm saying is out somewhere not quite understood by my own self. I always try to be someone who could stand and be a sunshine but I guess, I will always be that dark cloudy sky that will always bring misery and sadness. There will be no rainbow for I'm not a part of it nor the origin. I'm just there to die and return for another tear.

I don't understand the people around me. I feel like I'm grappled to the disappointments I had with these people I loved and cared about and that they are so selfish and so hateful that I want to put grudge on them. They were never helpful. They were always a pain in my heart. If only I knew in the first place that what they care for is my spotlight, I should've trusted and tried to be happy for all I know that it won't be everlasting.

Ever since, it has always been like this and I couldn't wait until I give in and give up.

The Next Big Thing

Now, I'm really excited to start my new blog, "The Next Big Thing", with the new me whose traditions are being muddled back on process.

So what does this NEW blog of mine shall contain besides the new thing about me being just a thing of the past that's been reawakened. Well, it's sort started with this one...

Okay, I don't own this picture. I just found in the net the other day and yeah...

This guy is Im Jae Bum or JB for short.

He's like one of the primary reasons I had for this NEW thing going on [and for the reason that I just want to be discreet not to disclose a certain individual who have caused so much over-leaping trouble in my day n' night dockets].

I was like pushed by this kind of feeling. I don't know but really, it's like big bang theory or to be overtly psychedelic, a colorful continental drift theory but more drastic.

and then, these all occurred...

 

and again, these are not my photos. I'd just found it from the net...

the first picture, if I'm not mistaken, is Paris...then, the next picture is about fashion, and then, chocolates in synthetic covers...

I'm really confused for the last picture of which I've just realized somehow gives a symbolic conclusion... it's like implying something that if I'll try to be somebody---someone I'm not sure of if it's really me then I would be like a chocolate---sweet---yet wrapped in a synthetic cover... :/

I've never thought of that even the order I had not planned. Cool things really do happen unexpectedly :P

I guess, some things in life are really there because they have something to show us and that depends on how we see it.

>X<

No Dawn for A Lonely Castle

Here, there wasn't a much story for a fairytale that never had a happy ending and what could be taken as a consequence are tears and sadness. How could you see the light if you're all packed and hidden down the chambers? How could you find solace if you're all lonely and alone? How can a light mend a broken heart if it never yearns for healing?

A ray of hope I've seen when I saw you. I thought I'd be like a dumb clinging to you like you're gonna stay forever but I didn't so I thought this is something. That you are someone who will not make me tolerate myself to inevitable emotional distresses of being rejected so many times and still hold on. Well, you were perfectly nice that I couldn't find some fault in you.

But this isn't what made you a different want if it wasn't for that past that made me cling to you. The mere denunciation of my own submissions and overtures utterly made a conclusion of becoming cold and disgusted. And now, I couldn't possibly say what is it now that I still can't erase him in my mind even if I'm with you. But still, I'll choose you even if I've chose him before.

Yes, I'm still reluctant.

That day when I started realizing all these things, I've learned that there isn't much of him that is to you that I could really put a stake on. But a stupid thing it is that I still want him and need you. I wish I could tell you that if only you could be him in a way that you'll still be you then everything would be okay that I wouldn't even bother looking at him.

You looked at me and I rejected you with reasons of confusion. Three times I've wounded your heart and acted like I didn't care. But if you must see that it is I who felt more pain than you. For hurting someone whom you love and needed for so long.

I know that you would still forgive me and continue to me by friend, my guardian, my timid lover. I don't know if a part of me will die if you'll perish within my sight but surely I'll miss someone who've always made me feel secure and happy without even trying so much.

I wished that someday you'll free me from this place, from this sadness and confusion. I know that He will help you and perhaps, me too. I wished to see the light. I wished to forget that once there was a princess trapped in a castle with no sight to see the clear blue sky.

Tears and Meltdowns

"...For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." - Joshua 1:9

I never thought of how useful these little strips of papers rolled and put inside a bottle can be when they contain some quotes taken from the Bible and everyday you could get one and have it as your guide for that day [well, not necessarily, but somehow it can be.]

Today, I don't know but there's that sudden feeling that what I'm doing is not what I really want. That it is somebody's want and not mine. Yesterday, we had this lesson in Sociology about what others think of you and what you think of yourself. And a term was use when this two things aren't parallel with each other---dramaturgy. And I had to say that I may be in a state of dramaturgy. I know the things I do sometimes aren't really what I want but I do it for it is what is in parallel to society. And this had brought me to so many thinking.

The fact that it's been like a long gone thing that I've been really doing few things that are contrary to what I really want mostly long-term goals that affect much of my future and which I've thought must be the right things to do though have not yet been recognized by my own principles. It's difficult to tell sometimes but it happens.

And now, I came to such realization that there are really thousands of things you wished you've done that led you to regretting so many things. And yet, acceptance is a contradictory matter with these. Some things happen for a cause. A good cause. And our teacher in Sociology said once again as she quoted a famous saying, "It is not what you did that matters but the things you didn't do."

I couldn't understand why I feel regretful if in fact I have been happy for a while and still the outcome makes me feel like sh*t. I hate to say it really because I feel like I'm not grateful to God for everything but I guess all of this pains of regretting things you wish you have done is caused by human factor and not anything related with God's grace or His Providence.

Perhaps, I've got to go with that crazy post I'd just tweeted in Tweeter a while ago. I sort of related it and intended it to be in relation with this new blog post of mine. I've tweeted there that this might be the start of a new beginning where change defines everything. Well, it is somehow true and the fact that I want change is not really something that is new or that is unaccustomed to me but the change I meant is that I'll be going back to the person I have even if sacrificing few of the nice things I have today. I know I could do it without sacrificing any but I just can't do things without a bit of pain and suffering. I may be crazy about so many things where I put my beliefs into but these are the things that make me myself.

I just thought tears are meltdowns of the ice wall that cover your eyes from seeing that truth and things you've missed out since you love it that much. Like some ice cream that when it is extremely cold, your head hurts.

Perhaps, it's too much ice. Too much pain. Too much tooth ache and head ache. Needs some stop to it and get with the right wheels.

Something I Got from YouTube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EURgbB5J1as&feature=related

Time slows down whenever you're around...

I Know You're Lying

I know you have a secret.
I can see it in your eyes.
You think you can hide it?

You tell me he's nothing.
Well, let's see who cares most when he's doing something.
Ah, that act you make when he's around
Makes nothing but the most obvious sound.

You thief of glances.
I see that you're taking chances.
Aren't you my filthy friend?
My most trusted one.

You agree with everything he said
And then lied to us like dead.
What is it to you, my best friend?
Are we looking for a fight or a dead end?

You can't fool me.
I know your moves.
I know how you play a smile.
And most of all, I know it when you lie.

It seems like you're enjoying it
It's all there in your face
Want me to show you
Here, take this
and you'll see the clue.

Don't worry
I'm not angry
I'm not gonna say anything
Coz' I know, you're already lying.

Tell me how is it to be me
knowing my best friend loves to deceive me
Is it making me look like a fool?
or let me say, love is really cruel.

I know how this will end
Just tell the truth
and I will tell you the lies
Coz' you're one liar
that should never breathe ever again.
The end.

But I won't end there
Coz' you're dead doesn't make sense
I want you to suffer
[I'd love to see it]
How your eyes would trail
in perfect jealousy.

Speaking of secrets,
I swear I won't tell
So don't even think of keeping it.
Anyway, you're going to hell.

The Story of Us

"I used to know my place was the spot next to you..."
"Now, I'm searching the room for an empty space..."

"I've never heard silence quite this loud."

Okay, so I wasn't that interested before with this famous song of Taylor Swift but later on, I think I had learned to enjoy it, not minding how I came to sing it like some last song syndrome. Perhaps, I knew I was having that feeling the lyrics give to you when you listen to it, closed eyes, daydreaming of someone you used to spend the happiest moment of your life. [Of course, we can always say that we've had more than one happiest moment right? Especially if each moment you've spent was with different individuals...]

I think I'm just so preoccupied with this feeling I had with this guy. It's a feeling that is so complex, an emotion that so confusing. And, I must say, that it kills me. I don't know what to do. I can't tell my friends the truth. I have no one to tell except those people who doesn't know a thing about this guy. Okay, I've been like in love with so many guys before that is so different, totally. Very difficult and again, it kills me knowing that I'm trapped in this with no solution in mind.

I tried to runaway from this of course, but I just couldn't. It's like there's a stupid magnet pulling us to each other and even if how good it feels whenever I'm with you still I couldn't find that complete happiness.

You know how every time you look at me makes my heart skip like a thousand beat and I felt like that air doesn't matter anymore. But my system's down knowing that it's totally impossible that I will ever be with you.

And yet, the magnet defies it all. And it's not my fault for it's somehow how the story of us came to it's panoramic view. And I love it even if I get so clumsy and crazy. It's how it should be with the exception of everyone else looking.

Garden of Wilderness

"Last night you were crying. Tears came like rain and everything had shattered, left you in pain...

I wanted to be there. To wipe away those tears.
But I lost the strength.
Knowing that it would be unfair.

The reasons were futile to say. And yet you're still there hanging on like a child waiting for his balloon to return. I was not going to come back and you know it, yet you remain. Remained in the dark where I'd left you.

I'm sorry.

Your immediate happiness wasn't a part of what I had dreamed to fulfill but why?

I'm not worth it. Not worthy anymore. I've caused you much pain than all the heavy storms that have destroyed the glorious mountains of your life. It's as if I'm a dark shadow of your past. Your past that is not anymore living in the pages of your life's diary.

But why do you still believe, my love?

This woman isn't returning. The clock ticks every breath out of your soul. Everything will soon be out of your hands. Like the sky, where the stars aligned in pure illusion, I will be there but no matter how hard we try, we'll never be able to reach other.

Only in vision, only in dreams we'll find our hearts united as one.

Don't strain yourself, my love.

I'll be here but will never be there. I'll watch over you, I promise.

In your nightmares, I'll wipe the beads of horror away. And brush your forehead with peace.

I'll be where I was meant to be. Not in heaven nor in hell but in that garden waiting for you.

Soon we'll see each other. But, perhaps, not in the person we used to know ourselves, my love.

Thirty Minutes Before Midnight

So I wasn't really thinking of what topic I wanted to write this evening. It's just that I'm feeling a bit disappointed, regretful, and hurt. I don't know but it seems like I'm suffering in something I've done because I thought it would end up good but knowing the situation right now, I think it was purely temporary and I was relatively decoyed.

And I made adjustments.

Changed things a bit but never knew how big the effect will be. It was obviously stupid. But I know. It's like I'm happy but somehow sad. Totally sad. I mean, I was just thinking I'm happy 'coz that's what I see from the people around me, but in the middle of it, I see one unhappy person. No, it's not me. It's the person who've suffered because of what I failed to think was right, of what I failed to think was good. I thought it would be for the best. Yes, it was but only for those around. I know I just kept on denying these things because I don't want the truth. 'Coz if the truth speaks then everything will crash back to what pieces are when you've thrown away a highly-priced glass. So emotional. So ridiculous. And yet, it is the very truth.

The dawn is waiting after midnight and yet the tears are there.

It's painful to see how you wanted to be there yet you can't cross that borderline. It's painful to hear him say your name yet you can't put a single note as a response. It's painful to just stand there when everything's falling in front of him. And yet, you have to endure the pain 'coz that's how it should be. Is that how it should really be?

You tried but you denied. What is really there in your heart? Why can't you do it? Why can't you just let it happen? Happen like before? You know how much you miss him yet you cared not to show him that. You know that your chances to ever be with him again are living above thin ice and yet you did not dare to see the flames in his eyes. Will you let the flames die and let the ice melt you down to a river of endless ambiguity?

Darkness will fall out of your hands. Everything lost in space. No gravity to hold you down. You're just a mere piece of abstract. Forgotten.

That was love made by your words.

The times. The times that you thought would last turned to vague memories. Memories that turned to dust. Dust that you can't grasp anymore.

I will be forever half-way. Like the sun and the moon who'll never meet and if they will, darkness will put them to exile as an eclipse occur and the two became one.

Something I Got from Tumblr

http://www.tumblr.com/blog/sprezzatura13

When's The Command of Execution?

The skies still looked the same... overcast and lonely. I was sitting in my grandma's old rocking chair in the terrace outside while thinking of how gray the sky had been for days. A little sunshine and then rain. As I was waiting for my cup of hot milk to warm down, I contemplated on what our teacher said to us yesterday when we were having a lesson in our Military Science subject. It was about hardship. Taking things one step at a time but not putting a second in idle.

I mused at the very thought of it. I knew that I was being in one of God's another playful yet serious tableau of learning. I couldn't resist myself not thinking of it. It was a thought I've heard a thousand times before in our Values and Ethics classes. I know I'm used to it but it's like there is something in what our teacher had said that made it glued to my mind.

Perhaps, it was when he'd said don't put your fate in other people's hand. That if you really call it hardship then give meaning to it. The government will not help you if you're just gonna sit there and wait and much more God will not if you yourself will not do anything to make it happen. All of our wishes will all be granted if we just know how to fulfill them. You can't expect things to just fell from the sky like the rain. You have to reach for it.

That was the thought. I was so amazed by the impact it gave to me. I said to myself, "If only those people who are suffering now from mountains of debts or other problems are listening to this." Sometimes it's really with the individual's mind. It's how he thinks that these problems get to him. I must say that I truly believe in the phrase, "It's all in the mind." because if you just think that you can finish all these tasks or you can get away with this easily then you will. How can you do things successfully if your thinking you can't, right?

There are times when we're like being tested in things that put us in our weakest point but in the end it's just a test and will always be that way unless you let it pull you down, but even if you fail, you should learn to pick something from the ground and carry it with you when you climb your way back up. Yes, that's it. Learn from what you've failed. But failing twice or more is somehow not excusable.

Let's not wait or anticipate more than what the clock had ticked. Let's be vigilant with flair.

Drips of Broken Dreams

I know that the title above seemed to imply some emotional story behind but honestly I'm just gonna have this dream of mine exposed to some public which I'm not sure of will say that this is 'relatable'. I know. Yes. I do know. It is.

Okay, so here is the story.

There was this popular 'unnamed' girl who was both been loved and hated and will like forever be treated that way in my dream who when she met this familiar-looking guy felt something different like she's uncomfortable when she's in his crowd or just when he's around. It's like she can't help but to feel so conscious of herself. And after a few flips of pages in my dreamland, I found that it seems like the girl is taken into some choosing thing. She was about to choose between two people. Two, somehow, relatable individuals.

She was in a party and with a guy whom she's somehow rumored to be with but for her it is partly true but never been officially true. But that was because she never knew she'd be falling for him. She's just with this guy 'coz it seems like that she should be with him even though some people out there don't like that 'coz they're obviously jealous with her. The guy was gorgeous, of course. Totally perfect for her. But for some unknown reason, she felt incomplete. It's like she's looking for someone. Someone who's out there in the middle of the crowd laughing with champagne and an intimidating tux. Yes, it was the guy before she's so uncomfortable with and it's like impossible for her to ever be comfortable with him.

Her distant thoughts seemed to be noticeable and her ever-patient partner came to notice it. He talked it out of her and she tried to deny her distracted mind. Due to this guy's persistence, she revealed it to him. The guy's face appeared to have failed in keeping those disappointed eyes. She saw it but was confused. She saw it but was damn distracted.

The guy's name after I heard the girl said it in my dream was Michael. Michael went to the guy in the middle of that laughing crowd and then called the guy Cedric. The two breathtaking souls walked to the direction where the girl stood. And then, Michael said her name. It was Isabelle.

The memory became vague after that introduction between Cedric and Isabelle but what I'm sure of is that they both knew each other before with a huge thing behind such meeting and something had happened between the two of them which I do not know.

The thing I remembered next was that Isabelle was talking to Cedric and then, with reasons so unclear, Cedric left her alone. She was left alone standing beside a bar where Cedric had ordered her a gin martini. She was standing there like a statuesque doll made and mixed of 80's beauty with lineage of European blood. Her perfect platinum blond hair. Pale rosy cheeks with lips like of cherries. Perfect. Perfectly imperfect. She whispered to herself, "Now, I lost them two."

And then, I heard stilettos clicking fast on the tiled floor of the room where they're at. She was running. Tears in her green Irish eyes. And then, she stopped. Michael was standing behind her, a tight grip held her to her feet. Looking through those eyes, she can't seem to move an inch. She tried to look away. But she can't.

"I know those tears." Michael said. He let go of her. "I know." He was to hold her in his arms when she ran again. Michael went after her.

As that scene came to a blur, I found a crazy transition. Michael anymore running after her but it was Cedric. Cedric now without his tux, only his striped black and white polo left. He was running after her.

Isabelle stopped for a while as she was in the middle of going up to the long marble staircase. She glanced back and waited. Then, Cedric was there again as he popped out of the door where she'd left open. Cedric grinned at her. She seemed to take that negatively and ran as fast as she could to the second-floor.

Then, a noise in the garage was heard. She stopped and then looked back and found him standing behid her gasping for air. She grabbed his collars and hid themselves behind a large wooden door in her bedroom. It was a bleary scene as they stare at each other's eyes. And it was then as the story ends that her parents who shouldn't have returned yet have returned home and it was Isabelle's secret party.

Yes, that's the END. I know. I couldn't even pass a million disagreements with it. But it ended like that. And I'm obviously so curious why a series of intriguing scenes have been oddly cut off.


Anyway, a relief it is to me that I have shared that. Another story will be posted for it's been in my head ticking me up like some desperate writer. Soon, and I'll have another title to dispose out of my mind.

Entourage Captured

I never knew how life had brought me to the person I 'am right now.

I used to think that I'm just a person who seems to let herself flow in concurrence with everything life has but I realized I was not.

I wasn't being the poker chip or the hostage to fortune.

I wasn't putting myself as a cracked ice berg making one big ship sank.

I wasn't getting into somebody's nerves for not doing things against the clock.

I was just playing with life with the prize at the back of my mind
while having the time of my life.

And, my angel at my side and God leading the way with his glorious light.