So I wasn't really thinking of what topic I wanted to write this evening. It's just that I'm feeling a bit disappointed, regretful, and hurt. I don't know but it seems like I'm suffering in something I've done because I thought it would end up good but knowing the situation right now, I think it was purely temporary and I was relatively decoyed.
And I made adjustments.
Changed things a bit but never knew how big the effect will be. It was obviously stupid. But I know. It's like I'm happy but somehow sad. Totally sad. I mean, I was just thinking I'm happy 'coz that's what I see from the people around me, but in the middle of it, I see one unhappy person. No, it's not me. It's the person who've suffered because of what I failed to think was right, of what I failed to think was good. I thought it would be for the best. Yes, it was but only for those around. I know I just kept on denying these things because I don't want the truth. 'Coz if the truth speaks then everything will crash back to what pieces are when you've thrown away a highly-priced glass. So emotional. So ridiculous. And yet, it is the very truth.
The dawn is waiting after midnight and yet the tears are there.
It's painful to see how you wanted to be there yet you can't cross that borderline. It's painful to hear him say your name yet you can't put a single note as a response. It's painful to just stand there when everything's falling in front of him. And yet, you have to endure the pain 'coz that's how it should be. Is that how it should really be?
You tried but you denied. What is really there in your heart? Why can't you do it? Why can't you just let it happen? Happen like before? You know how much you miss him yet you cared not to show him that. You know that your chances to ever be with him again are living above thin ice and yet you did not dare to see the flames in his eyes. Will you let the flames die and let the ice melt you down to a river of endless ambiguity?
Darkness will fall out of your hands. Everything lost in space. No gravity to hold you down. You're just a mere piece of abstract. Forgotten.
That was love made by your words.
The times. The times that you thought would last turned to vague memories. Memories that turned to dust. Dust that you can't grasp anymore.
I will be forever half-way. Like the sun and the moon who'll never meet and if they will, darkness will put them to exile as an eclipse occur and the two became one.
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