"...For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." - Joshua 1:9
I never thought of how useful these little strips of papers rolled and put inside a bottle can be when they contain some quotes taken from the Bible and everyday you could get one and have it as your guide for that day [well, not necessarily, but somehow it can be.]
Today, I don't know but there's that sudden feeling that what I'm doing is not what I really want. That it is somebody's want and not mine. Yesterday, we had this lesson in Sociology about what others think of you and what you think of yourself. And a term was use when this two things aren't parallel with each other---dramaturgy. And I had to say that I may be in a state of dramaturgy. I know the things I do sometimes aren't really what I want but I do it for it is what is in parallel to society. And this had brought me to so many thinking.
The fact that it's been like a long gone thing that I've been really doing few things that are contrary to what I really want mostly long-term goals that affect much of my future and which I've thought must be the right things to do though have not yet been recognized by my own principles. It's difficult to tell sometimes but it happens.
And now, I came to such realization that there are really thousands of things you wished you've done that led you to regretting so many things. And yet, acceptance is a contradictory matter with these. Some things happen for a cause. A good cause. And our teacher in Sociology said once again as she quoted a famous saying, "It is not what you did that matters but the things you didn't do."
I couldn't understand why I feel regretful if in fact I have been happy for a while and still the outcome makes me feel like sh*t. I hate to say it really because I feel like I'm not grateful to God for everything but I guess all of this pains of regretting things you wish you have done is caused by human factor and not anything related with God's grace or His Providence.
Perhaps, I've got to go with that crazy post I'd just tweeted in Tweeter a while ago. I sort of related it and intended it to be in relation with this new blog post of mine. I've tweeted there that this might be the start of a new beginning where change defines everything. Well, it is somehow true and the fact that I want change is not really something that is new or that is unaccustomed to me but the change I meant is that I'll be going back to the person I have even if sacrificing few of the nice things I have today. I know I could do it without sacrificing any but I just can't do things without a bit of pain and suffering. I may be crazy about so many things where I put my beliefs into but these are the things that make me myself.
I just thought tears are meltdowns of the ice wall that cover your eyes from seeing that truth and things you've missed out since you love it that much. Like some ice cream that when it is extremely cold, your head hurts.
Perhaps, it's too much ice. Too much pain. Too much tooth ache and head ache. Needs some stop to it and get with the right wheels.
