Like Those Sparkling Eyes

And today, it feels like that the world is making another revolution with other planets colliding each other out of their own orbits... and that kind of feeling that I seem to never realize what made that happen.

It's past one o'clock in the morning and I'm eating a bowl of oatmeal with tropical fruit flavor in it. It's just like an afternoon of those days when I'm sick and I can't eat anything other than these things. Those times are like the times we are having right now. That I've got nothing to do but to either sit here and wait or go for something that I know will make me feel something different but happy, I guess.

It's getting difficult pretending to be someone who can easily fall for someone and then really falling hard for someone else special not knowing what to do or how to cover it up when all you ever wanted is just to be with that person no matter what happen. But in the end you decide to be a statue.

I think I could laugh at myself with my own little show getting its tickets sold out in minutes and feeling like a complete down-rated actress. I wish I could just sing that song, "The Show" and be overly amazed by my own self-listing dilemmas.

The other guy came to me today and I feel like I've disappointed him somehow or I've said something unpleasant or whatever that made him look that way. Yes, I do like him but do I love him? I don't know. I'm asking myself as if I do love you. That sounds crazy and yet skeptical.

I could fall for you for a thousand times and yet I have to stop myself. It's not like you're gonna be forever 'cause even right now I could say that you're not gonna stay and yeah, that hurts.

I'm writing this post for no definite reason but I know I'm writing for two definite persons and that's you and him.

You both smiled beautifully. I have always liked those sparkling eyes.

What Makes Up Each Tear

How I wish I could just disappear and be a part of this life's boring background. How I wish I could bury myself six feet below the ground. How I wish I could just die and never live again.

I hate it when everything comes in sequence tearing me up like some paper and what's worst is that these things happen when I never wanted them to happen and now they think for sympathy? Bullshit!

What happens to a delicate figurine whose heart been broken by those who've always been there to take care of it, to polish it?

I wanted to speak out but people just keep on misunderstanding things and become obsolete. I don't want to return to the old me who knows nothing out of emotions and false hopes are death wishes and tears. But I guess even if I change, those around me will never. And I must endure it. And I must fight it even if it hurts, even it succumb me to death.

I know my direction is quite vague and that it seems like everything I'm saying is out somewhere not quite understood by my own self. I always try to be someone who could stand and be a sunshine but I guess, I will always be that dark cloudy sky that will always bring misery and sadness. There will be no rainbow for I'm not a part of it nor the origin. I'm just there to die and return for another tear.

I don't understand the people around me. I feel like I'm grappled to the disappointments I had with these people I loved and cared about and that they are so selfish and so hateful that I want to put grudge on them. They were never helpful. They were always a pain in my heart. If only I knew in the first place that what they care for is my spotlight, I should've trusted and tried to be happy for all I know that it won't be everlasting.

Ever since, it has always been like this and I couldn't wait until I give in and give up.