How I wish I could just disappear and be a part of this life's boring background. How I wish I could bury myself six feet below the ground. How I wish I could just die and never live again.
I hate it when everything comes in sequence tearing me up like some paper and what's worst is that these things happen when I never wanted them to happen and now they think for sympathy? Bullshit!
What happens to a delicate figurine whose heart been broken by those who've always been there to take care of it, to polish it?
I wanted to speak out but people just keep on misunderstanding things and become obsolete. I don't want to return to the old me who knows nothing out of emotions and false hopes are death wishes and tears. But I guess even if I change, those around me will never. And I must endure it. And I must fight it even if it hurts, even it succumb me to death.
I know my direction is quite vague and that it seems like everything I'm saying is out somewhere not quite understood by my own self. I always try to be someone who could stand and be a sunshine but I guess, I will always be that dark cloudy sky that will always bring misery and sadness. There will be no rainbow for I'm not a part of it nor the origin. I'm just there to die and return for another tear.
I don't understand the people around me. I feel like I'm grappled to the disappointments I had with these people I loved and cared about and that they are so selfish and so hateful that I want to put grudge on them. They were never helpful. They were always a pain in my heart. If only I knew in the first place that what they care for is my spotlight, I should've trusted and tried to be happy for all I know that it won't be everlasting.
Ever since, it has always been like this and I couldn't wait until I give in and give up.
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